Do she know what make me hurt the most ?

What hurts the most ?
Was we're being so close & having so much to say .
And after committing, I just watching u walking away from me .
And not seeing how much i love you, is what i was trying to do all the time .
But I know if I could do it over....
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart .
That I left unspoken .....


The pain without love ..... The pain after i was trying to get my phobia away for 4 years . But then she make my phobia stronger then it was, after how she ignored me & acted in the front of me .
As most ppl knows, those 4 years, some ppl tot i didnt wanted a gf . I did wan to have 1 person so close to me to talk about some of my feelings when im feeling down. But then the more i see from each and everyone of my frenz relationship going on.... Being together for some time only, then hearts shattered into million pierces . It jus scare the fuck out of me !


I just fucking wish time could turn 1 round back & spending the perfect time and moment with you once and again .

When i was playing games last time, my internet fren make me reflect alot towards them . When im in a hardcore gaming world, will i give up my life for the girl im looking for ? YES is my answer !

And my bdae wish was trying to be with you actually !

My phobia.....

Phobia of love ......
I finally felt the true fear .
Now it has became my very worst phobia .
How / who will help me to overcome it ?
After wad she did, the feeling is totally like DEAD! the phobia is back . I guess i will hardly love someone from today onwards due to this phobia .

I have seen enough !
The bad remarks .
The way heaven is treating me .
The way she ignores me .
The way she act in front of me .
The things i bother to care about & it just let me see somethings tt i wont wanted to see .

I just afraid tt i will smoke again after some stress after the chalet after seeing too many things going on . I stop smoking for a very long time already & i told myself not to smoke after having the last stick & took 1 week MC , after stopping smoking .

Those bad remarks

I've been seeing many & hearing bad remarks after the chalet & at the chalet .

1) If u find tt we didnt organise properly ? Recall, did u do anything to the rest of the people tt makes them followed doing the same thing as you ?
2) Recall on the things when Im trying to gather everyone to play some games . What happen to 1 person and followed by the others .
3) Why is there 2 groups every time instead of 1 ?

Before you guys said all this, did u reflect on yourself did you guys did anything tt cause all this things to happen & give u guys this thinking and saying all this words .
On the 3rd day when i woke up from the bed it then just make me snap into my sense . Since you guys wanna do your own stuff then I will let u guys do your own stuff then . Further more Im unable to force you guys to do the things u guys dun wanna do .

Please reflect properly before you guys wanna say anything .

With thanks,

Back from the chalet 20-23 Nov 07

Things didnt really get well thru out the whole chalet .

1st day when everyone reach the chalet we were planning wad to do this and tt.... and after a period of time we got bored and bought out Chilton Vodka and drink as a punishment of losing the game . Weng Khiong did got drunk after drinking a few shots of the Vodka. Jumping and rolling around the whole room ending up everyone got afraid of him and run out of the room leaving me half drunk guy to handle a fully drunk guy to take him down .
After Weng Khiong is being under control, we all are then rest assured so we when to slp . Many of the ppl didnt really slp on the 1st day . But i did cuz i really cannot take it when im half drunk already . LOL!

2nd day We gather some of the ppl to go to Wild Wild Wet . Only half of the ppl tt are staying for the chalet has gone to there and spend some fun time there . That was like fucking irritated the fuck out of me because the chalet haven come everyone was like talking trash saying they wanna do this and tt , but end up doing nth . When i got back to the chalet, those ppl who when to Wild Wild Wet had a rest for having a nap . After i woke up it was 7pm & the first thing i did was going to the kitchen but i saw nth has been done, they should be doing the dinner at 7pm time, wad if everyone comes back & shouting the hell at me HUNGRY!

3rd day Hui Zhen ShuTing Norris AnTing & Me. Has a very sweet sleep till 1pm in the afternoon, and when i call the rest the rest when outside already having their breakfast/lunch . Wad happen ? Why didnt they woke us up and when together ? We're not in a group ? After that Norris when to find them, and leaving An Ting Hui Zhen Shu Ting & me . We when to DownTown to settle our lunch and spend some times there since we got nth to do . So An Ting & I starting playing pool there . After playing pool we call Chilton as them to bring all the frozen food out of the refrigerator and when i got back to the chalet wad i saw was the fish and the chicken was lying on the floor of the kitchen . And nth useful is been done . Proberly everyone is playing mahjhong only tt is all .
An Ting then quickly when down to the BBQ pit to start the fire & I bought all the food down to the pit slowly. And all i know all along is im bringing the food down by myself. Till i got fed up I send a sms to Terence saying tt they better do something useful up in the chalet .
Chilton Shu Ting Hui Zhen ...... I think there was like 5 of them when to pick up Lynnett from the interchange . An Ting was also fed up why the hell must 5 / more ppl jus when to pick up 1 person she queen ?
An Ting also asked me to send a sms to Chilton telling them if they didnt bought the fire starter the BBQ is over. Cuz the fire didnt really start up properly by me at first got really piss & cannot think much .
After the fire is started, then i guess god is picking on me...... Rain followed then fire out.... I was really tired already when up to the chalet almost wanna break my head on the wall.... Asking why god is doing all this kinda things to me . The chalet isnt going well already why must this fate going on like this kinda way.
But thanks Jeremy he said he wanna help starting up the fire..... So An Ting & I really got tired already we guys rest at the chalet . Till the fire is back . After the BBQ many of the ppl requested to go home . Some even wanted to stay. But unfortunately there was more ppl leaving then staying .
Those ppl who're staying we almost ton thru the night but then we're unable to do some due to lack of energy . We play tapping games thru out the night and making funny stories. Till we all breakdown . LOL

4th day Which is today was really sadly for me. Time to check out of cuz.....

Things really didnt come out well tt i expected.... Some ppl asking me why did i book at such location, some say the chalet was boring, some say we didnt organise things properly .

Wad I can do is been done, when we're trying to play games one person didnt wanna join the rest follow on didnt wanted to join too . When one person wanna play dota the rest followed.
Question: why must proposely play dota on the chalet day itself cannot wait for other day ?

Last year chalet was really great. It was the best day of my life spending my time with u guys. This is the last chalet An Ting & I are doing, we have really did our part to make u guys satisfied wadever we're trying to do for u guys, but if they guys aint satisfied im really sorry. This is the limit tt i can do for you guys .

Thank Jeremy & Lukman for staying behind & getting everyone high for the last night, it was really sad to leave the day like this. You guys at least give me some memories behind on this chalet .
Most Importantly Thanks An Ting. I know you did the most in this chalet and i know u wont be doing this again any more, so am I.
Tired already.... enough is enough liao....

I just love you guys.... cant really bear to leave the place & u guys.
Especially those we did stay for the last year chalet, you know wad is it feels like .

Tmr is it....

Tmr we will be together as close as brothers & sisters .
It will be the happiest day of my life i dout!!
HUATTT!!! ARRRR!!!!!!!!

Prom Night

Tonight I just cant say she look fabulous....
It was fun.... Took some balloons sucking the air out of it and we make funny voice . LOL! Suddenly get bored i guess.

Have a wonderful meal too ..... Just love this fabulous day .....
Wear the suit, long sleeve shirt, belt & leather shoe....
Wow.... jus cant believe it ..... Tired after reaching home....

22" LCD monitor

Lol spend a few hundred on this monster !!
BUT I LOVE IT!!!
HAHAHHAHA!!!!

GOD DAMMIT!!! I ADMIT! THIS IS INDEED A MONSTER!!!

COMPUTER!!!!! CHALET!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Im waiting despo-ly for my father to come back to town . He say once he come back to town, he will do everything for my computer ho ho ..... =) Hope he is man of his words .

Bought a LG 22" monitor for a very good price from my boss which he give to me . Ps: cannot tell wad is the price he gave to me . =)

Few more days, the chalet is coming.... Also cannot wait for it to come too .
Despo-ly waiting for this 2 things to come along .....

COMPUTER!!!
CHALET !!!!
FUCK!!!

God DAM HAPPY!

I guess im god dam happy after hearing tt she's going for the prom.
Well, I just hope im not the only one wearing suit .

But even so.... It's more former to me tt is wad i feel .
I can predict, she will look god dam great on tt day . =)

Still considering whether to get a reborn of my flinch .... =.=ll
Sounds stupid huh ? Cuz my flinch look very messy after sometime when i go out or something.... Will be getting a trim too.... I need tt .... my hair is fucking messy if i dun get tt haircut hahahaha.... Just wanna look the best on tt day . =)

Happy 1st Anniversary of 6 Nov

Happy 1st Anniversary of 6 Nov my fellow buddies .
Remembering the day of it, makes me miss those days....

I believe everyone just really cant wait for 20 Nov 07, which is our upcoming chalet for this year . Im VERY! looking forward for tt day cuz I really cant wait to spend those days with u guys again . Im ready to spend almost all of my money if i have to and bear in mind i spent those money if not the sick of the fun for myself, it's the sick for you guys.

HAPPY 1st ANNIVERSARY BUDDIES!!!
An Ting
Chilton
Terence
Jeremy
Qian Ying
Hui Zhen
Yi Ru
Serene

Thkz for those days with u guys, although our time are very numbered.

1st pay after working

I didnt get much from wad im suppose to get for half a month . But then i was god dam happy after getting my pay cuz i was super close from getting the computer liao.... =)
God dam close.... hahaha....

Now what im gonna do with tt money ?
1) Get the god dam computer.
2) Buy some branded shirt, shoes & pants/jeans ....
3) New HP on my 2nd pay .